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The heat wave seems endless, the temperature hovering in the low to mid nineties, occasionally higher. Mixed with the ever increasing mid west humidity, the muggy nights give little relief, if any. The small rotating table fan gives little comfort in the flickering shadows as it whirrs precariously on the sill ledge of the open bedroom window. What circulating breeze it gives off consists only of more heat mixed with the faint stench of the horse stalls in the stable across the gravel driveway. Her restless body twists, turns, her long brown hair sticking, matting across her bare shoulders as she struggles to fall asleep. The cool, actually lukewarm shower she soaked under before going to bed has only mixed with her perspiration as the stifling night drags endlessly on. Kicking the tangled sheet off, away from her feet, flipping on her backside, legs curling, her right arm rising above her head, her left hand slides slowly down across her flat. I would lay awake and snippets of our life would pass before my mental eyes. There were good times and bad times, but they were times I spend with the love of my life and our children. Could I ever go forward, and relegate those memories to the past and have them stay there? I had somehow to go on, not only for my sake but for the sake of my children and the memory of their mother.Children sometimes I think are more resilient to great sorry and pain. Yes, Karen had been with them all of their lives and had merely been in just over half of my life. However, they had their whole lives ahead of them while if I was lucky. I might have at most have another five to ten more years left before I was too old even to hope that I could find love again.Could Caryn be my last hope for love again, but if not, then would I be condemned to a life of being alone?I figured I would have four or five more years with Angela to be here at home, but maybe less depending upon where she wanted to go to.
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